Whether you’ve been in a relationship for five years or five weeks, spending all your time together might sound like the perfect relationship, but it’s really not healthy. It’s not ideal for you, your partner, nor the well-being and sustainability of your relationship.
The boomerang approach to relationships is a wise philosophy for both you and your partner. Neither of you will feel trapped, smothered, or like you’re getting lost in the shuffle of togetherness.
Scroll below to discover the five reasons why you might want to be like a boomerang in your relationship – you go away but you always come back.
You Have More Things to Talk About
Spending time apart means you both give each other the time and space to do things on your own and have new and interesting experiences that you can share with each other. When you spend all your time in each other’s company, you won’t have that much to talk about because your partner has already experienced what you’ve experienced. So, doing things on your own, will not only give you more stories to talk about, but will also give you time to recharge and enjoy some quality ‘me time’.
You Have Time to Tend to Your Other Relationships
While your partner might be the most important person in your life, it’s important to make time for your friends and family who love you too. It’s not possible, nor realistic to expect your partner to meet all your needs or help solve all of your challenges. Your friends and family, even colleagues are there to provide a different kind of care and love, and give you guidance that maybe your partner cannot.
A few years ago, I had a client who wanted her partner to be more attentive and loving. After asking her numerous prodding questions about his past, I explained to her that he is only able to express a certain amount of love to her because that’s all he’s capable of – in the context of his life experiences and who he has come to be.
During our conversation I point out she restricts the amount of love she lets herself receive, because she wants it all to come from her husband. After our chat, she decides to open herself up to receive (non-romantic) love from whomever, whenever and wherever. A week later, she is astonished and amazed at how much more loved she feels, and delighted she’s no longer reliant on love being expressed to her primarily by her husband.
Making room for the other people in your life can make you feel fulfilled, supported, and loved in more ways than you can imagine.
You Maintain A Sense of Independence
When two people decide to commit themselves to one another, they’re not only agreeing to experience life together, but also agreeing to spend their lives together as individuals.
Spending time apart from your partner allows you to maintain a sense of independence and pursue individual activities. It might be that your other half doesn’t enjoy certain activities such as playing golf or going to yoga classes, as much as you do.
In instances where you’ve just started a relationship, avoid letting your other passions, hobbies, and friendships fall by the wayside just because you now have a romantic partner. Even when you’re married, it’s important for you to keep alive the things that are part of your life and help make you who you are – the person your partner fell in love with.
You Nurture The Relationship You Have With Yourself
Most clients who want to improve their relationship, ask me, “How can I have a happy relationship?” My short and sweet answer, “Have a really good relationship with yourself.” How do you do that?
- Get to know who you really are, make a commitment to deal with your personal issues – yes, we all have those – and learn to accept yourself, just as you are. That’s when you’re able to fully receive the love you want and it’s easier for you to let someone else love you too.
(If you know something is keeping you from having a happy, loving and connected relationship, but you don’t know exactly what it is, and you want to get to the bottom of it, take a look at the Find True Love and Connection Program.)
- Take good care of yourself.
Eat well. Exercise regularly. Engage in activities that make you feel wonderful, alive and energized.
- Make time for yourself.
Give yourself some quality ‘me time’ to reflect on where you are in your life, where you’ve been, and where you plan to be. Enjoy your time alone. Be present with yourself. Do things to recharge your energy.
Whether your romantic relationship lasts or not, you’ll always be in a relationship with yourself, so you might as well make it the best one you’ve got.
You Improve Your Romantic Relationship
Before you decided to enter into the relationship and become a couple, you already were a whole person. In contrast to co-dependent relationships, you remain whole and aware that your partner is not responsible for your happiness.
You invited this person into your life because s/he adds to the happiness you already feel, and you just want to enjoy life with them – by your side. Plus, going through life together is an awesome addition to your already amazing life.
In this healthy relationship, you spend some time apart, to give each other room to grow in your own right, to reset and reconnect with your Self. Plus, it makes the time you spend together again that much sweeter.
Before you spend some time away from each other, it’s imperative for each of you to communicate your needs and wants, and understand each other’s requirements, so you’re both on the same page.
It will keep things fresh, alive and add to the appreciation and love you have for each other.
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